Seeing Hope

Finally. The doctor had allowed us to transfer my grandmother to a private room. Our hospital bill had already reached almost 350,000php so it's somehow quite a relief that we'll be paying lesser for hospital rooms and observations.

There is no assurance though. Whatever happens to my grandmother while she's still in the private room will no longer be the responsibility of the doctor. Mom will be signing another waiver saying that the family agrees that if Nanay will have an attack, they will not resuscitate her anymore. Whatever happens, happens.

Let God's will be done.


I have successfully filed a .5M-loan in our parish cooperative. I needed that much to pay for my grandmother's hospital bills. And I think the board members are having a meeting right now. Hopefully, they approve the request so we may all sleep well. 

This is quite crucial since one member informed me yesterday that it might be quite difficult to approve my loan since I haven't proven myself yet in the cooperative. Meaning, I haven't established myself as a good payer yet. But I think I have raised my points fairly well so I can't help but feel hopeful.

But please, St. Jude, help us.


Perhaps, the wounds are now starting to heal. Almost one week after a very painful encounter, things are finally falling into its proper places. No, of course, we haven't talked yet (and I think he wouldn't really prefer to talk to me) but I have sent a message already. He had replied and told him what I've always thought he would. 

That he's not angry. Just annoyed. And he doesn't want to hear me say sorry.

Truth is, I actually wanted to say thank you. As I've said, what he did eventually answered the question we've left hanging. I finally found my position. I finally found where to stand. I have realized that no matter how much I insist on fate to let us be together, it just wouldn't be. 

Because come to think of it, I don't deserve him. 

No, I'm not putting myself down again. It's just that he has such a wonderful future to be tied down to me. I love him too much to drag him into the pit of misfortunes where I'm in. He's a wonderful person and I'll never be worth it. 

Whatever happened happened already; and it has taught me lessons I never would have thought I'd understand. So maybe this time, it's for real.

Hopefully, it is.

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