Bride for Rent: A Trip Back to Local Chick-Flick

I can barely remember when the last time I paid for a movie ticket to watch a Tagalog movie. That is why when Charm told me we're watching Bride for Rent, I was admittedly kinda hesitant. But since she initiated and I thought it was a good chance to bond with her and Luwi, I ended up inside the dark cinema this evening, watching the film --

-- and loving every bit of it.

To be honest, I was never a fan of the Xian Lim-Kim Chiu tandem; but after witnessing their chemistry in the movie, I think they just earned my respect. In fairness to Kim, she has talent for comedy and I think I missed out on a lot when I refused to watch her previous films. And the god-damn-sexy Xian just had to be so, yeah, god-damn-sexy with his after-sex hair in some scenes. Though there are scenes he wasn't able to pull off well, I have to say he knows his humor so well. :)

The plot was kinda shallow though. I honestly didn't feel the weight of the climax because I don't think it was big enough to be the problem; but if you need just a good laugh, you know, a break from everything? I recommend this film. It's light. It's fun. It's filled with humor and a fair share of tears (or maybe I was just too emotional?hehe).

But yeah, let's not talk about technicalities. Let's talk about what the film made me feel.

Obvious in the title, this movie revolved around 'marriage'. At this age, will I be a hypocrite and not admit that I'm not thinking about it? Of course, it frequently visits my thoughts but I choose not to entertain it. I have no one to share the ideas with; so what's the use?

Somehow, it pushed me a little to the depressed side. You can call it envy, I guess. I may deny it a lot but I do feel jealous towards people who manage to find 'the one'. It was difficult but they won the battle and it is the best thing ever.

For a few times, the film insisted that when you find 'the one', you'll know immediately that he is 'the one'. How? No one can actually tell. You'll just feel it. You'll just know it.

I'm telling you a secret. They're telling the truth. I know because you know, I think I found the one already. It's just that he isn't looking at me. I even tried calling him, doing everything to catch his attention. But ALL to no avail.

And so I chose to walk away. 

Because if that didn't mean I should give up , I don't know what it was supposed to be anymore.

A Piece of Korea in Bulacan

(WARNING: This post is image heavy)

Desperate for a much-needed retreat and driven by an uncontrollable instinct, I headed one Sunday morning to the Shrine of St. Andrew Kim Taegon in Lolomboy, Bocaue. It was a sudden decision, which one can easily figure as heavily influenced by my strong fascination on South Korea and its culture.

Thanks to Alex and Jethro’s help, I managed to find my ways to the place easily. I had cramps though for walking too much, but I didn’t mind. When I got there, the gates were closed as it was lunch time. Fortunately, the guard allowed me to come in. According to one of them, I didn’t look like a bad person anyway.

I was welcomed by a pavilion made of marbles as I entered the shrine. In the middle stood the bronze (?) statue of St. Andrew Kim. Easily, I was hyped up. Seeing Korean characters written in signs and tablets made my heart flutter.

While I really am interested about the life of the Korean saint, I have to admit that my main purpose of going there was to see a piece of Korea in my province. Many friends have told me that the atmosphere there was definitely good and as I roam around on my own, I realize they’re telling the truth.

A Writer's Thought at 6AM

In life, we do a lot of things; 
things which define who we are and what we are in this world.

A self-confessed Jack of All Trades,
there are so much I can do.
People are proud of me, but I couldn't feel proud of myself.
I am a jack of all trades, yes;
but I'm a master of none.

But among everything I'm capable of, I have to say there's one thing I would consider myself best at:

Since I was in Grade 3, I have been fascinated with how pens inscribe ink on papers.
It's also magic to me how emotions turns to words.
I think it's my love for stories that drove me to this art,
or perhaps, it's the fact that no one bothers to listen to my voice ever since,
and writing became my escape.

Either way, this art has become my refuge, my relief.
It has undeniably become my sanctuary.

I think everybody really should have that one thing they're best at.
Because it gives them distinction.
It gives them that sense of pride, knowing that there's something they can do which not many can.
Writing is a good choice as not everyone can do it well.
But there are lots of other crafts to flourish in.

Find yours.

Letting Go of Five Year Worth of Memories

I have a confession to make. If you asked me a few months ago if I have moved on, I would have answered ‘yes’, but that doesn’t mean I mean it. Five years of unrequited love, four of those were completely unknown to him, it wasn’t easy freeing myself from the cage of my emotions. Despite the fact that he would never see ‘us’ in a romantic light, I continued loving him until there was nothing left.

But if you are going to ask me now if I have moved on, I would answer ‘yes’ too. But this time, it’s going to be for real. Because after five long years of dedicating myself to this one person, there’s nothing more left.

Many friends find it difficult to believe. They insist that I still feel something and that I should continue, because they believe that ‘we’ could work it all out… that ‘we’ could happen.

I used to think of that too that’s why I lasted for five long years in this one-sided love affair. It wasn’t really the thought that all my waiting will bear good fruits someday. I was more focused on the idea that everything I have worked so hard for during all those years will go to waste if I give up. I have regretted regrets even before they happen.  

And that was probably the worst thing I have done to myself.

But little by little, I have discovered that there is more to life than being in love. It occurred to me that I can never give something I don’t have – and that is love. I have realized that to be able to love more, I need to love myself too. The long forgotten 70-30 percent principle had resurfaced and the best part of it? I feel no regrets.

During those past five years, I have learned a lot of things. I have discovered who I really was, and what I really wanted to do. I have once again come across an opportunity to mature and gladly, I grabbed the chance. Because of that, my hesitations to let go and move on disappeared; and fortunately, I have realized that all efforts I have exerted during the past five years of my life with him weren’t exactly wasted.  They all turned into lessons that turned me into the person I’ve always wanted to be – strong, determined and free.

Indeed, one often refuses to let go and move on not because he is still in love, but because he is overly attached with everything he had invested in the relationship, reciprocated or not. He keeps on expecting to receive something back after everything he did, and that is something we should never allow to happen. Love is meant to be reciprocated, but no one ever had the right to demand for love. It is, like respect, something to be earned rather than asked for.

Now, I’m okay; albeit the occasional annoyance brought by people who keep on bringing back the past. I have taken the first few steps to moving on, and I’m going to continue moving forward without any hesitation. 

St. Peter Yu Daechol: A Brand New Inspiration

In my life, there are only a few things I take seriously. Among my top favorites are my Catholic faith and my love for Korea. Its combination led me to my interest towards St. Andrew Kim Taegon whose parish is located in Lolomboy, Bocaue, Bulacan. 

As I was researching about his life, I came across another saint who I must admit touched my heart immediately. His name is St. Peter Yu Daechol (성 유대철 베드로). 

Of Being Next and Pandora's Box

Tomorrow, another one of my close friends will be getting married to another friend of ours. Theirs is an exciting story proving that love indeed conquers all. After separating ways, destiny had acted upon their lives and when they fell in love the second time, it is for eternity. Hence, the ceremonies tomorrow.

The bride and the groom are both in my group of friends for how many years; and in our clique, almost half were already married. Once these two people tie the knot tomorrow, it's official that ALL members of our group who we expect to settle down are indeed settled down already.

And I bet, one question is set to be asked tomorrow: WHO'S NEXT?

Frankly speaking, I bet we all have to wait a little longer to find out who's getting married next. Let's exclude the boys waiting for Vatican III, there are three girls left in the group, myself included. Unless Ate Millie decides to break away from our two-member singles' group, I am quite confident to say that no one's tying the knot anytime soon.

One friend told me that she feels it's gonna be me next. I wonder what made her think about that. I don't even have a boyfriend, let alone a suitor to entertain.

For the whole year of 2013, I have disregarded the thought of marriage. I refused to believe in it, and a part of me still doesn't up to now. But seeing how excited my friends are to exchange their 'I Do's' tomorrow, I feel this tiny bit of envy deep inside me. While I don't entertain the possibility since I don't want to expect, I can't help but wonder how it would feel to be in their position.

I don't know what's happening. Is it the trend to feel depressed if you're single for 2014? A lot of people on Facebook and Twitter tend to do that recently, I notice. Even in the KPOP industry, dating confirmations are being thrown to the public like a cent per piece.

I understand that I'm not beautiful and I'm not that person one can proudly present to the world as his partner. As they would always point out, I have a very repulsive personality. Easy to say, I am a living Pandora's box.

And it's sad to know that I have long forgotten how it feels to be wanted. Because no one wanted to try.

It's quite sad but it's okay. I don't want to change myself anymore for anyone anyway. For many years, I have mastered the art of turning all the bad vibes into positive ones, and disregarding the reality that would just hurt me big time. That talent would be put to great use this year again, I bet.

I'm blabbering so much. I think I just need to sleep. :)

Welcome 2014!

Just a few days ago, I was thinking if I should still come up with my list of New Year's resolutions. As I look back at the past years, I realized that I couldn't keep them anyway; so I thought that it's rather useless. However, I realized that it lessens the fun. Really. Having no New Year's resolution - whether it will be kept or not - is like having nothing to look forward to. Boring.

But I don't want to stress myself in being specific. At the moment, there's only one thing I want to be for the whole year of 2014: HAPPY. 

Yes, I just want to be happy; because if I am, everything else will spring out from there. If I become happy, I will have the motivation to think of whatever I want to have or happen, and it will be easy - simply because I can.

Now how will I be happy? By putting myself on top of my priorities. For the whole 2013, I failed to give attention to myself because I thought that I find joy solely in the happiness of others. I have completely forgotten that I can never share something that I don't completely have.

I have learned how to make others happy in the past year. Now it's time to learn how to make myself feel appreciated.