The Joy in Writing Fanfics

I can still remember.

I never liked fan fictions. I was already a delusional fan and I do not want to add more fuel to the fire, or it will be more obvious. Plus, I couldn't stand reading stories on the computer because it makes my eyes hurt. I don't have a printer and I wouldn't really spend money printing something which I couldn't use for a long time.

But you see, things change. And before I knew it, I have written more than 20 fan fictions already... and I'm writing more.

Literally confused with myself, I tried to narrow down my reasons why I started reading - and writing - these fictional stories about my idols. And one thing I found out: It's because fanfictions allow us, fans, to satisfy our delusions more than anything else.

You see, Super Junior does not live in a Big Brother house. I couldn't see them 24/7; and since I want them to enjoy their privacy, I divert my attentions and let my imaginations answer all the questions in my mind about the group.

So that's basically the purpose of fanfictions to me. I just do not know if I share the same thoughts with people.

Now to people reading my fictions, what else could I say but thank you? :) Sharing the same thoughts with me, guys... you're all the best. <3

Philippine Passport Application

I waited for almost a month, and this afternoon, my passport got delivered and now I can go to wherever (countries that do not require visas) whenever I wanted. <3

Furthermore, I now have a very official ID. haha! It's terribly difficult when you only have your employment ID in the Philippines. Some establishments do not let you transact with them using it, alone. So now that I have a passport, I could now open accounts without too much pakiusapan. haha!

I think I have to commend the DFA for fast processing. Compared to other governmental institutions *cough*COMELEC*cough*, I think this department is much more efficient. yay!

That is why Filipinos should not be really worried about getting a passport. It's easy and it's fast. Here's a brief guide on the steps (under the cut):

We Know But We Don’t.

We know exactly what we have to do, but for some blatant or obscure reasons, we do not want to do it.
I am a living proof, and I know much are like me. We constantly complain, we constantly question everything. We want everything to change, but it should be instant – like magic.
But there is no such thing as magic.We were just so idealistic that we fail to realize that it’s not a fantasy land we’re in. We forget that we are in a world where everything must be worked for, where everything is real.
Look. When we’re hurt, we tend to cry, scream, curse a lot, and even blame other people. Then we wish it’ll end soon. Then we woke up the next morning, with the same feeling, so we question God why He let you wake up with the pain.
Gosh. Once again, life’s not magic. Healing is not an overnight process. If it is, nobody can be called “strong”.
And we shouldn’t question God. We should question Him for the repeated cycle of our heartaches and disappointments. We’re not in the position to do so, and we’re clueless of His plans.
Here’s the catch: We hurt because of mistakes, and since we hurt for the same reasons, it means we commit the same mistakes.
And we know how to make it right, but we are so stubborn to do so. Because we don’t want things slow. Because we want it abrupt, we want it instant.
That’s why we’re stuck with the past. We tend to dwell on what’s no longer there. And as we commit the same mistakes over and over again, we get hurt like it’s never gonna end.
Everyone, here’s one truth we have to face: we have a choice. We always have the options. So please pick the best one, and never regret.

Even if It's Raining Bullets and Blood...

WRITTEN: 8/25/10
Manila has always been my favorite place ever since. When I was a kid, I would always ask my mother to bring me there to play. During high school, I prefer to go there after Christmas parties to witness the sunset rather than go to malls and spend money playing arcades. When I went to college, Manila has been my constant refuge. Whenever I feel sad, I will go there alone and sit by the bay or walk around Quirino Grandstand. And just when I thought that I have escaped from its shadows, I found my work there. And everyday since April 2010, I pass by my favorite place and admire how wonderful it is.
There are many beautiful memories in Manila. But the image of perfection was ruined by a night of bloodshed and wron impressions. Ah! What I’d give to change the country’s fate.
When I learned of the incident, my insides burned. I then realized how lucky I was that our office just moved to Makati. Should we still be in Malate, we would surely be hearing the gun fires as we’re just a few minutes of walk away from the place.
Definitely, that’s gonna be traumatic.
But more than the fear, I am very saddened by the sudden actions undertaken and reactions expressed by different people. The Philippines is once again in the hot water… uh, boiling, if I may say.
You see, years have passed and we must admit that we are still under construction. We are a work undone, but we are trying hard. We are doing the best we can to uplift the heritage that was once on top. We’ve been trying so hard to show the better side of the country. We try hard to become a nation.
We have proven our worth for a lot of times already. And yes, we got recognized. Our people do good. Our people excel. And admit it or not, the world benefits from us too.
But one mistake, one night; the image of a beautiful Manila is destroyed. Worse, the whole Philippines was declared by CNN as the WORST PLACE TO GO TO. Ironic, isn’t it? To think that just recently, they have declared a Filipino as their Person of the Year.
And this happened because of one man who wants to be heard. Because of one incident, because of one atrocity.
Yes, it happened in the Philippines and the suspect is a Filipino. Yes, our police force is under-trained and could be mightily responsible for the bloody ending. Yes, our medics are late in responding to emergencies. Yes, our media must also take account of what happened.
But does it have to be spitted on our faces each time we turn on the TV, each time we listen to the radio, each time we surf the net? Look. We are a third-world country, yes, but we know what happened.
Honestly, it’s not the fact that a fellow Filipino did that hurts me. It is the generalization of thousands of people around the world that scars me the most.
When the issue was made known, I know this is going to happen. We’ll be banned from Hongkong and China. We’ll be called names. We’ll be tagged as a dangerous country.
But somehow, *cough*CNN*cough*, that’s yellow journalism to me.
The mistake of a few does not define who we are as a nation. The violence shown by the people involved does not mean all Filipinos are doing the same. I understand where you guys are coming from. But truth is, blaming others for the sake of blaming someone is absurd. And condemning and making our people suffer in return to what happened to your people is worse. Life is not about revenge. That is a fact that we all must get straight.
My race is more than what others think. There may be some lapses but as one forumer said, every country does have flaws. It’s just that all eyes are on us, always.
I guess that is the problem there. The world thinks so low of my country like we don’t stand a chance of changing. One wrong move erases all the right things done. We are under prying criticisms. Maybe, I’ll accept if it is the people from China or Hong Kong that will speak ill of us, but no… Comments come from people who are not involved; people who do not have even the slightest idea of how Philippines really is.
Honestly, I feel apologetic. But as one forumer said, apologies should come from those Filipinos directly involved.
Indeed, he made me realize that pride is the only thing left to us now. And at this point in time, it’s what we all need to possess. I’ve been reading posts on different sites saying the Philippines is a shit country and that they want to leave. But I say otherwise. This is the time when my motherland needs me the most. And I’m not abandoning her.
Because I believe on the ability of my people. Because believing on them means believing in myself, too.
I cried for the lives lost. I cried for the shame brought to the country. I condemn the incident. But I can’t always hide. I have to come out and tell the whole world that despite what happened, we are still moving forward.
It may be ironic to see may say these things. But though my KPOP addiction is rampant, I’ll forever be craving for balot and isaw. I’ll still watch Manny Pacquiao’s games and be proud of Ms. Venus Raj. I’ll still bring my foreign cousins to Luneta whenever they come here. I’ll still breathe the smog of Makati everytime I go to work. I’ll still play with death (^^) whenever I ride the LRT…
I’ll bring back the image of the Manila I’ve known to my mind. Because like what we’re trying to tell the world,
And after all, I’m still a Filipina. And NOTHING MAJOR MAJOR will change that. Even if it’s raining bullets and blood.

When You’re No Longer Happy, Quit.

I was raised believing that quitting signifies weakness. I spent half of my life believing so. Thank God, I have given myself a chance to be critical. If not, I couldn’t have known that quitting was never a move for losers…
It’s indeed a move done by brave people.
I have decided to file my resignation today. And I tell you, there are no regrets. I tell people that it’s in order for me to do my fangirling well or so I can stalk X-Crew fulltime… But truthfully, it’s because I’m no longer happy.
As I’ve said before, employment isn’t just about how much I earn. It’s not just about the fact that I work in Makati City. Because it is more than paychecks and impression. Definitely more than those two things.
To me, employment is about doing what I want to do, practicing what I have learned to do and being the best at it.
To me, employment is waking up every morning, feeling the excitement of going to work knowing that I’d be productive the whole day.
To me, employment is stressing myself because the pressure is building up everytime I look in the calendar and see a deadline.
To me, employment is being extremely busy that I could no longer find time to sleep.. Always tired but always fulfilled.
To me, employment is dealing with people who has the same belief and passion as mine.
To me, employment is knowing what you’re doing, why you’re doing it and what you’re doing it for.
To me, employment is not just making a living but living a life.
Quitting has been my only option to live the life I’ve always dreamed of. Even though there’s no assurance of how my future may be.

The Power of Words

Words cut deeper than a knife. I know that so well because I, myself, have tried using a pen as my sword… for numerous times already.
But then again, words cut deep. Especially when the person reading it can read between the lines.
I don’t know why but I am sensitive with words. It can make or break me. Pleasant statements bring me much motivation but hurtful accusations can bring me down.
Geez. This is worse than writing about that hater.
I just don’t know anymore. The truth dawned on me in an instant, crushing the little faith I have on myself. The fear is emerging victorious. The words ‘shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have did this’ are resounding through my head.


Paranoia on the loose. Kthnxbie.

Now I Know

Sometimes in our lives, we get to meet someone who sweeps us off our feet; someone who gives our lives a brand new definition; someone who makes us think of a bright future; someone who we will be ready to give up everything for.
It feels good to meet someone like that. What’s better, though, is when they give us attention and makes us see a ray of hope in the middle of the darkness. More than that, we see the impossible turning real and we keep hoping for that.
We believe we’re special. We believe we’re in the pedestal. We believe we’re doing things fine; when in fact, we’re not.
The impossible remains the impossible. The dream remains to be a dream. The future we’ve seen is just a future of imaginations and none of it can ever come true.
And all we can do is to give up. The recoil will most definitely be too much to bear…
This is the story of my life and I don’t know when it started. All I know is that every time I give romance the chance to prove its worth to me, the more I realize that it should be me who should prove myself to it. But how I can do it, I really have no idea.
Truth is I don’t know what I’m saying. Is this because of disappointment? Is this because of the frustration? Is this because for the nth time, I was failed by my imaginations and the truth was once again slapped in my face that this game isn’t really for me?
I guess better luck next time… or not.

Maiba Lang…

Paminsan-minsan, mas masarap pa ring bumalik sa pagsusulat gamit ang papel at bolpen kesa dumiretso sa pakikinig sa takatak ng kibord ng kompyuter.
Paminsan-minsan, mas masarap pa ring gamitin yung salitang nakasanayan na mula pagkabata kesa magpaliwanag gamit ang lenggwaheng pinagpilitan lang matutunan.
Paminsan-minsan, mas masarap pa ring isipin yung mga usaping tunay na nangyayari kesa manatili sa mga panaginip na kailanman hindi magkakaroon ng katuparan.
Paminsan-minsan, mas masarap gawin ang mga bagay ng mas kumportable kesa magpatuloy sa paggawa ng mga bagay na kumportable lang.
Paminsan-minsan, mas masarap magbilang ng mga pahinang nalampasan na kesa manghula kung ilang kabanata pa ang dadating. (Kaso mas masarap yung wala na lang pakialam)
Paminsan-minsan, mas masarap maging yung kung sino ka sa pagkakakilala mo kesa maging isang taong pinagsusumikapan mong maging dahil lang yun yung pangarap mo.
Paminsan-minsan, pwedeng sabihing pagod ka na.
Paminsan-minsan, pwedeng magpahinga.

One Thing and Everything Ends.

TRUTH: I hate getting disappointed because once I did, there’s no turning back.
This is the very reason why I prefer to stay away from people who I like. This is the very reason why I want to keep distance to those who have given me a great impression of themselves. This is the very reason why I am aloof. This is the very reason why I’m shy.
I am the type of person who always look at the positive side of things. Humility aside, I tend to always find the good thing on a person first and keep that impression intact as much as I can.
I tell you, that’s not an easy thing to do.
You see, I put great trust on people. I believe in them because I know how it feels to be not believed upon. I appreciate them because it sucks big time to be not appreciated, and everybody in this world should be appreciated.
And to tell you the truth, I do not demand for it to be reciprocated. However, if the person started to do so, I expect a lot. Because I work hard to keep their impression on me, because I would be willing to do that much for them.
Tsk. I don’t want everything to crash down this way.
Here’s one thing: If you don’t appreciate me, then don’t. I’m not forcing you. But please, have the decency to not make me feel like you do. And if ever you appreciated me but ended up hating me instead, you don’t have to throw ridicules and sarcasms on what I do. Just tell me you hate me. Or do not say anything at all. Stay away, let’s drift apart and just pretend like each other never existed.
That’s way better than all these stupidities. I don’t need pretentious people in my life. If you happen to be a person I liked, that will remain that way but do not go expecting more than what I gave. Once is enough. If you didn’t pay attention, there’s nothing I can do about that.

Digging a Goldmine

WRITTEN: April 12, 2011

I don’t have a job. I don’t have something to regularly give me money to support my family and this fandom. I cannot ask my parents because they depend only on my father’s monthly pension amounting to 5,000 pesos a month. (My mom’s was taken in lump sum and we’re using it now to renovate the house, after almost two decades.)
But obviously, I’m getting by. I find money and I am able to continue doing what I used to. Although it’s not like the usual all-out giving, I still can support my needs and luxuries.
You know how?
I believe I’ll find money and I get it.
Come on, it’s not like magic. Money doesn’t just appear when I want it. Truth is: I work hard on thinking where I can find it and what shall I do to get it.
For three months that I am unemployed, I learned the value of determination. Yes, I knew about it but only recently did I fully understand what it really means; and how it really is. Determination is finding a dream and doing everything –seriously doing it – to get it done. Even if it means having to walk from a place to another, not sleeping in order to meet deadlines, or even collecting junks to sell.
The greatest challenge lies in combating my laziness. Fighting the temptation to slack off and just spend the whole day on Tumblr and Facebook or with fangirling over Super Junior is the most difficult thing to do. But sacrifices are needed to gain pleasure. If I won’t cut my time on my wants, how can I satisfy my needs?
Right now, I am clear with my dreams. I know what I really want. I want to go to Seoul and I want to buy my mom a baking oven. I also would like to come up with a restaurant business at home. It’s that simple. It’s that attainable.
That’s the key there. Start dreaming on attainable things. Test yourself first. Then when you get to fulfil those dreams already, take one step higher. And you’ll never know, you’re on top already. It’s no longer the time to be the damsel in distress waiting for a prince charming anymore. Fairy tales are not true. We have to start being realistic.
I don’t know if I am making sense. I have just read a book and I thought it would be great to share it to you. It’s Bo Sanchez that I’m reading, and all of you should really know who he is.