Helpless & Abandoned

Suddenly, I'm losing grasp of everything.

My grandmother's condition is getting more and more serious. Although my mom said she managed to talk to her clearly this afternoon, her blood pressure is still dropping and she needs blood transfusion. Otherwise, things will get complicated. 

At the moment, I must admit I can't decide whether to continue with her medicines. We're bankrupted already. There is no assurance that the loan, in which we have given our land title as collateral, will be approved. All our bank accounts are already depleted. Only one relative from Australia is sending money (50AUD/less than 2,000php) on a weekly basis - and that's not even enough for a vial of antibiotic which Nanay needs twice a day - yet we were condemned for not making a decision about their mother's condition. 

I'm losing it.

I feel like giving up. But then who would help my mom if I wouldn't? It's easy to say we're abandoned. Nobody wants to help anymore. What choice do I have but beg people who are not even blood-related to us to lend me money so I may pay for the hospital bills, which is already 250,000php as of the moment. 

I want to blame someone, but I can't. I just decided to cut all connections with people after this. I just want everything to end. My parents are no longer young either. They're both 62 and unemployed. How am I going to carry all the burdens of this family?

There's no easy thing in life, I know. But this is just so difficult for a 23-year-old lady whose salary is minimal. And I feel so helpless. I am feeling so helpless. Who should I run to for financial assistance? Who should I run to for help? Most people I thought would be willing to help had abandoned me already. What am I going to do?

Lord, please tell me who to turn to for help. :'(

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