Reboot Success?

I named February, Restart; and frankly speaking, everything happened again. I have restarted my personality and I guess a better me has come out finally, and I have managed to rekindle the fire of my relationships with people. I have also managed to restart matters that has something to do with 'love' and 'romance' as I think I'm stronger now than how I thought I've always been.

February was a good month, to be honest. However, towards the end, a tragedy struck us all with the death of a dear friend... But then it stuck with my 'Restart' month.

Because through Milton, I've realized that I need to give back to several people who I have taken for granted quite severely these past few years.

***

Barrio Commission on Youth - Banga,

It is very unfortunate that I've realized this late, and I've learned this in the most frustrating and desperate way. But I just want you to know that if there's one thing that Milton's death had taught me, it's the fact that you guys collectively hold an indispensable position in my heart. The group means a lot more than I thought it meant to me; and I promise - in Milton's memory - that I'll try to be a better member, friend and sister to all of you.

Time has been very short for our dear friend and I regret that I wasn't able to make him feel that he's terrifically appreciated. But I hope it's not yet too late for all of you. I will try my best to make up for everything that I've lost, and to earn your trusts back. 

I will never forgive myself if I wouldn't do this. I will no longer wait until it's too late. 

I love you guys. 

Sa Muling Pagkikita, Milton...

February 20, 2013. Wednesday. 

I have just logged off from work when Ate May showed me a message from another friend, delivering a very  horrifying news. I felt nothing as I didn't believe; but things got suspicious when I received unexpected calls from various people - all of them asking me if it is true. 

My knees were then wobbling already when I dialed Raj's phone number, and my whole body was shaking in fear when he picked up my call in tears. As I couldn't understand anything, I dragged Ate May and we fled to the church where all of them were waiting. 

There was only one statement. Everyone was crying, but I still wouldn't believe... until Kuya JR and Badjie confirmed it. 

Milton is dead. 

We rushed to his home in Bayugo and what we saw there literally struck me in horror. His body was lying on the floor. His lips were all white and swollen. His eyes were permanently closed. He was what I dreaded the most - lifeless. 

And from the moment I laid eyes on his corpse, I knew I lost a friend. 

My mind were literally all over the place. I just went out immediately as I couldn't stand seeing him in such state. He had a heart attack and was found in the restroom of their house around 5PM. We believe depression and too much stress overwhelmed him that his heart was no longer able to handle it. He broke down and succumbed to his illness - much to our despair. 

He has left. 

***

Milton is not just a friend. He's even a brother to me, to us. Eleven years I've spent on this youth ministry, he was with me. He was part of the group when we were first formed. He was one of the kids we've trained and mentored. He was one of the members of my spiritual family who have played such a very immense role in my life. 

More than that, Milton is a childhood friend. I grew up playing with him and the rest of the kids here. I can still clearly remember when we were both learning how to ride the bicycle and his head was always tilted to the sides. 

God... Now that he's gone, I just realized how indispensable he is. 

With BCY Banga and the rest of the PCY members, I can never forget how he'll always play pranks on us. Disgusting as it may be, he'll always find ways to get away with it. He can be very annoying with his noise and his interests, but then God knows how much effort he had to exert just to always show us that he's happy. 

Personally, how can I forget the person who will constantly tease me with my speech defect? How can I forget the person who always call me by my mother's name just because my hips have resembled my mom's? How can I forget the person who will always shout at me jokingly when I come home late, asking if that's the proper attitudes of a married woman? How can I forget the monster eater who will always lead the whole group into delving into the foods I have prepared for them?

And how can I forget someone who will constantly defend me from all people in this place? How can I forget someone who I have shared plans of buying house and lots with? How can I forget someone who had been there, despite my ridiculous mood swings?

How can I possibly forget him?

***

You know what hurts more? I wasn't able to be a very good friend and sister to Milton. I knew that because I have taken him for granted, along with the other members of BCY Banga. I wasn't able to be there when he was most troubled. I wasn't able to pay attention. 

It was very frustrating that I realized how stagnant our relationship had been, and it's too late now to change that.

***

But then as I think about it, his death has some positive sides stuck to it too. What basically comforts me the most is that he's safe now. You see, Milton never lived an easy life. There were always hurdles, challenges, pain and sufferings - which he would always conceal with his hyperactivity and jokes. And now, he no longer needs to pretend. I can tell, because he's smiling as he lies on his coffin. 

He's in peace now. And honestly, I envy him. 

***

As he journeys back home to the Father, I pray that Milton finds the better life that he deserves. I hope that whatever he had suffered for here on Earth while he's still alive will be ready as he enters the Gates of Heaven. I know he's happy wherever he is right now.

And I pray that as we continue our lives without him, he'll constantly watch upon us and guide us as how he always did. I wish that he'll take to heaven with him all our pains and sufferings as well. 

The adjustment stage will never be easy; but I know that through the help of all his memories, we're all going to be okay. 

Milton, bawal pala-inom at bastos dyan sa langit. Wag mong guguluhin si San Pedro, baka pababain ka niyan. Yaan mo, babawi ako sa iba; at magiging okay kami kahit wala ka na. Walang makakalimot sa mga kalokohan mo. Walang makakalimot sa `yo. Mahal na mahal ka namin, kapatid. Alam ko hindi mo rin kakalimutan yon.

Nakauwi ka na, tol. Salamat sa lahat-lahat. Hintay hintay lang. Salubungin mo kami pag kami na yung umakyat.

UnionBank EON Card

Another plan realized. I now have my UnionBank EON Visa ATM/Debit Card.

This EON Card is basically a VISA ATM/Debit Card. It is a passbook-free account which requires no minimum balance. An annual fee of Php350.00 should be paid though, and it will be deducted from your balance annually.

Aside from being a debit card, the EON account may also be used to transfer money to other Unionbank accounts or even of other banks. One can also use it to pay bills online (but that's pretty much a normal feature of most banks now, so yeah...)

There are two options as to how you can open an account. First is through online application. All you have to do is to visit this LINK and follow all instructions. There are only several branches in which you can pick up your card. You can check the list HERE.

I opted for the second option - which is direct/over-the-counter application - since it's more convenient for me. I went to Unionbank in Meycauayan, filed an application, submitted my requirements, and waited for five business days for my card to be printed. I got it this morning. Cool!

The best thing about the EON card is that it allows me to enroll myself on Paypal. Meaning, I can work on Odesk now and earn money for something big this coming June. I honestly can't wait!

After getting the card, I was mentally patting myself on the back. It feels good to know that I've got several bank accounts now. I mean, I liked the fact that there are more than one place to put my money in. Meaning,  I have better motivations to save. It's humiliating if you have zero balance on your accounts, right?

Readers, I urge everyone of you to open accounts too. Your choice of bank. What matters is that you know how to save, and you're preparing for what lies ahead for you. Money may not be everything, but it sure is a major factor for a satisfied life.

For more information on the UnionBank EON Card, visit this LINK.

Cherry Mobile Titan W500

With my mother's permission, I bought a new phone yesterday and yes, it is the Cherry Mobile Titan W500! Often compared to Samsung S3, it actually caught my attention with its size and price. It's less than 8,000php and yet it is undeniably one of the best budget Android phones in the market nowadays.

The soft-touch feature of this ICS phone really matches well to Samsung S3's! Even my techie brother admitted that. I loved that it is so sensitive so the chance of scratching the screen is so little. But remind me to buy a screen protector, okay? Every touch-screen phone needs that accessory.

When it comes to the processor, the 1GHz dual-core processor doesn't disappoint. There may be lags when there are too many apps running, but it is really nice. I downloaded Temple Run as my gauge and it did well. The graphics may not be as sharp as Apple's and Samsung's; but for a phone worth less than 8k, it's definitely good enough.

Speaking of applications, I have downloaded some from Google Play and it was a blast! I only have Burger (YES, I LOVE THAT GAME!) and Temple Run for games; but I got Merriam-Webster Dictionary, HealthTap, and other more personal stuffs. I also got Instagram, Tumblr, Line, KakaoTalk, Viber, and WhatsApp - which I have gladly proven to be a nice app since it allowed me to talk to my Yuxing unnie until late at night - FOR FREE. ♥

I'll be downloading more later. It's a good thing there's a lot of FREE applications for Android phones! Yehey!

As for Wi-Fi, I must admit I haven't tested it yet. When I bought the phone at SM Marilao yesterday, it detected the connection rather fast but I blame the mall's connection for being so slow. I wasn't able to use it. I should have gone to SBX, you think? But then, when we use GPRS, Titan really matches up for my need. LOL. 

Memory-wise, Titan has a built-in 4GB memory, and I added another 4GB to support my KPOP addiction. I'm pretty sure this will brim with videos soon. hihihi.

However, there is something which I think makes me think if I did the right decision. The camera. It promised me a 5MP camera but apparently, it is not as good as it should be. Photos are still noisy, even in broad daylight so I'm rather disappointed, considering that I bought the phone for the camera.

Second, the battery does not last that long, but I guess mine's better than the Flare unit a couple brought on the store when I was buying the phone. They said their phone battery gets emptied in just a matter of 45 minutes. Funny, but possible. Mine lasted for more than 5 hours (factory charge), but it got drained as I woke up. It gave me quite a fright when my phone won't open, tbh. Hmm... I'm charging it at the moment. Let's see what would happen.

I am not really a techie person but somehow, I want to say that Cherry Mobile did a rather good job with Titan W500. I just hope it would last long and beat my old Samsung which I've been using for more than 3 years now. 

Cool.

Financial Restart

To keep up with my goal to restart my life this February, I have decided to open a new savings account in PS Bank using some of the money I've loaned from the cooperative. It wasn't really my intention but instead of putting my money on a financial institution with no assurance, I thought that this was a better place for my finances. PS Bank is hailed as one of the top 5 banks in the Philippines (and the only savings bank to have been included in the list) so I am pretty sure that I did the right decision. 

What's greater is that the passbook comes with a Debit MasterCard. It's basically a simple ATM which I can use for cashless shopping. Well, I do that with my BPI card most times; but what makes this one different is that this card may be used for internet shopping. I've used it to renew my domain at NameCheap and it worked!

 Meaning, I no longer need a credit card to buy from online shops or book flights which could practically bury me on a mountain of debts. This Debit MasterCard from PSBank will only work as long as I have money on my account. I can then spend within my budget and cut the crap on impulsive buying.

Furthermore, the passbook is so cute! 

Should you wish to check out other details about PSBank, you can visit http://www.psbank.com.ph. :)

This is probably one of the greater decisions I have made after the new year started. It feels good to actually do something for myself, in preparation for my future. After applying for a medical insurance, opening a PSBank account makes me feel like there'll really be something waiting for me as I grow old. 

As for others, I invite you guys to open your bank accounts too. Your choices of banks. What matters is that  you have your savings which you will use for emergencies and future expenses. You'll never know what will happen right? So it's best to be ready.

Plus, do not deprive yourself of that certain feeling of fulfillment when you see that your account actually has money in it. Seeing the numbers printed on the leaves of your passbook, or even coming to the bank and filling up a deposit slip, is very comforting and assuring. You'll certainly like it. 

There's no such thing as 'too late' when it comes to savings; but I suggest that you start it when you're still young. Prepare for your future because no one else would do that for you. 

[FanFic] Valentine Date

It was turning eleven in the evening, you yawned as you stretched your arms up to somehow wake you up. Your eyes were beginning to twitch in drowsiness. You haven’t had enough sleep for the last few days and you have no clear reason why. But perhaps you do, only you wouldn’t accept it to be true.

You were thinking of Luhan – all things he do, all places he go to, all persons he meets. He practically owns your reverie 24/7 and there was nothing you can do but sigh in frustration that nothing will ever be the same again.

It has been two weeks since the both of you stopped talking. You were trying to find comfort because your grandmother who was then in the ICU turned critical. He was the only person you knew you could count on, and asked him to come over to see you. But unexpectedly, Luhan got annoyed since he had just gotten home from work. Worse, he called you burdensome and rejected all your calls. You felt your world shattered.

Since then, you decided to quit on your illusions. You finally began to force yourself to shun from everything that concerns the person you’ve loved for the past four years. You finally believed that whatever you’ve shared will remain in vain because although you can be friends, you’ll never be lovers – because he’ll never fall for you.

You gripped tighter on your phone as you slumped on your bedroom couch. You’ve especially positioned it to be in front of your large window so you can see the stars at night. The wind blew cold, making you feel emptier – if it’s even possible. You shivered lightly, yet your thoughts remain on what would probably happen. 

The phone on your hands felt heavy as you leaned on the arm rest of your seat. You brought your feet up so you’ll be on a lying position – your eyes still focused on the stunning constellations. Suddenly, you felt your heart constricting as your lips trembled lightly. Your eyes pooled with tears and you tried hard to fight it back.

But of course, you were too weak. And so it fell.

It was one of the nights when you just feel like nothing’s gone right. Four years, you’ve spent proving yourself and your love to Luhan but in the end, you’re still out of his league. How would a typical writer be the perfect match for a senior business analyst? You know it’s wrong to base love on that; but then that just depresses you more since it leads to another fact that a bubbly and careless personality can be detestable in the eyes of a purely logical and straight-living individual.

Plus, you think you’re not beautiful. You’re not the only one who says that. So you constantly blame yourself of what had happened. If only you didn’t demand; if only you didn’t ask; if only you didn’t complain…

Things could have been okay.

But it didn't. And it hurt you so much.

You glanced at your phone and then immediately stared back to the stars. Your mind was filled with apprehensions because you know you want to do something as the clock strikes 12MN. It was already quarter past eleven. After a few minutes of ambiguity, you decided to push through with the plan. Come what may, you told yourself.

You sat up and began typing on your phone a sentence that took you quite a longer time to construct. Happy Valentine’s Day, Luhan, it said. You were sure of the number because he had just called you a few days ago to ask about how to choose a good tripod for his camera. Since then, you’ve been sending him messages which he would either not read or disregard. 

A deep sigh echoed on your room as you pressed the send button. The screen showed images informing you that the message had been sent. You looked at the digital clock on the upper right corner of your phone screen. It was exactly 12MN.

You fervently prayed that he’s still awake although that’s a little impossible since he’s never the type to stay up late when there’s work the next day. And February 14 this year is a Thursday so you know the drill. You decided to just go to your bed, sleep, and wait for a reply the next day. Hopefully, there’d be one. 

But just before you close your eyes for slumber, your phone beeped. You eagerly got it from your headboard shelf and your heart began thumping crazily as you saw Luhan’s name flashing on your display screen.

It is easy to say that you were elated. At once, hundreds of images rushed through your head – feeding you with imaginations of the sweet things he would say. Although you pretty much expect that it’s just going to be a ‘Happy Valentine’s Day to you too,” you unconsciously hoped for something else – like an invitation to a date.

You covered the screen with your fingers as you opened the message. Your smiles were incontrollable and your heart thumped faster. Somehow, you’re afraid of the reply. A part of you really doesn’t want to read it. 

Alas, you had to remove the cover and read it. Upon seeing, you felt like your breathing hitched as your hands turned numb. Your phone then slipped, and fell to the wooden floor of your room. With eyes suddenly brimming with tears to match the excruciating pain in the region of your heart, you peeked on the phone and hoped that you’ve just misread the message from him.

But nothing changed. It was still it; and it still hurts – so much – that you decided to never push your luck again. Questions flooded your mind as pain enveloped your heart – all because of one reply, one question, from Luhan.

"Who are you?”

How will you be able to respond to that?

Happy Valentines' Day, guys! I hope you'll have the nicest ones. =)

Chapter Closed

Finally.

A few days ago, we were finally allowed to get Nanay out of that hospital. The process was excruciating to the mind and quite discriminating, but alas we've gotten out of it. We had a balance on the almost half-a-million bill - which we have finally settled today. 

So it is safe to say that it's a chapter closed now. 

Frankly speaking, I can now breathe. Things had fallen into its proper places. Unexpected moves from my mothers's siblings were seen, and I don't want to deny them of the credits. They paid for the remaining balance in consideration for me and my mother. I know it had been difficult among us all but I don't want to be ungrateful so I am thanking them with all of my heart. 

Also, I would like to extend the gratitude - in behalf of my family - to those who have assisted us in any way possible. Financial helps came from friends from work, KPOP and school. I really want to thank you guys for being so considerate. You never hesitated when I called, and really, it meant a lot to me. Indeed, you'll know who your real friends are in the darkest of times. 

And how can I forget? I humbly kneel before God, Mother Mary, St. Therese, and St. Jude for all the guidance and speedy help I was provided with. I thank all of You for never leaving our sides during the toughest times. Your love is indeed the greatest of all. Thank You for being my comfort. 

It is not a secret how difficult things had been, but I can now say that we've gone past that. It was a horrible experience, yet a fruitful one. My faith had been restored and I've realized a lot of things. Now that it's February, it's time to restart my life. It's time to face the world as a different person - a better one at that. 

Sexy Oxford

There is no such thing as 'too many' for girls when it comes to shoes. So last night, I gave in to the temptation and bought a new pair from Primadonna. Thanks to the money my aunt gave me before she left for Australia, I was able to have this new baby.

It is easy to say that it was love at first sight. I've been wanting this style since God-knows-when, but everything I found were too expensive. That is why I was really enthralled when I found this on sale. Indeed, shopping in provincial malls really has its perks. Most items sold at regular prices in major branches are often sold here for discounted amounts. I got this for Php799.95, original price is Php1,999.95. How cool is that? Thank you SM MARILAO!

What basically drew me to it is the uniqueness of its design. It gives off the Oxford-vibe yet retains the sexy with its 5-inches chunky heels - which I find really irresistible. When I tried it on, it wasn't really cozy at first but after some steps, I immediately found comfort. With lady socks on, it's surely going to be 대박!

Health First!

인슈랜스 왔다!!! 

Just earlier this week, I submitted my application for a Maxicare Insurance and surprisingly, it was approved just a few days after. I have received the statement of account this morning through mail. 대박. I'll just have to pay my dues before the end of the month and then I can start enjoying its benefits.

If you ask me, I believe every person should apply for a medical insurance. First of all, it is the best ally against emergencies. Nothing is certain in life and anything can happen nowadays, so it would be best to always be ready. A medical insurance will serve as a guarantee that one has the immediate means to pay for the hospitalization and doctors' fees. 

And second, we all know that healthcare in the Philippines is not cheap. I could actually say that it has already become a privilege, instead of being an opportunity for everyone. If unlucky, the hospital would even act as a business rather than a facility (like what happened to us!) - and that is what a health insurance would save you from. Insurances like this may serve as cash, if you don't have it. 

There are many health insurance facilities operating in the country. I checked some of them and decided to apply for Maxicare. Aside from the fact that my best friend works there, I was convinced by the packages they offer. It's cheap, compared with others; yet it promises a wide range of benefits. Payment is quarterly, bi-annually, or annually. Should you wish to know more about it, you can visit its website at www.maxicare.com.ph. Use their quick plan computation feature to know which package is for you and how much you would have to pay at your age. 

Indeed, a medical insurance has become a necessity in the Philippines; and I suggest that all of you consider getting one. 

우리 빅토리야에게 너무 너무 고마웠죠!!!

Chivalry is Alive

This morning, I was checking my Facebook timeline when I passed by this image from Strait Times. It intrigued me because the man looked like Choi Siwon of Super Junior. I thought 'what happened?' and read on.

It turns out that the man is Choi Dae Ho, an ordinary South Korean student who's in Singapore for a Taekwondo training. In short, he's a foreigner. But he took his SG$4 slippers off and slipped it to the feet of a barefooted old woman who was in the bus with him. 

Chivalry is still alive. 

I was totally moved by what Mr. Choi said in an interview with ST. When asked (perhaps) on why he did that, he said "It was a small gesture on my part; and it was something I felt I had to do... or I would regret it."

Indeed, there's always this feeling of wanting to help. I believe everyone is capable of feeling such kind of emotions. Only, not everyone is brave enough to give in to it. You see, every heart is seeded with kindness. It's just a matter of how we let that grow. 

Mr. Choi had imbued in me a certain feeling of hope. There's still goodness to hold on to. This world still has a chance to be the 'better place' we've constantly wanting it to be. What we just have to do is to step out in the open and disregard whatever people might say, and just do what our heart tells us to do. Even if we walk barefooted so others won't, it's very rewarding. 

To be honest, I don't think Mr. Choi intended for this to go this sensational. I wouldn't want this to go on public, if I did this myself. But then, I suppose it's a rather good thing that this came out. At least, people will be motivated to follow his footsteps - and the footsteps of so many people who are doing good things despite not being in the spotlight. At least, people will know that being chivalrous and being nice towards others (especially elders) is not something to put in the back of our minds. 

And as human beings, we have the responsibilities to take care of others - even though they're not directly related to us. I hope people refrain from letting their social statuses get in the way of their desire to help. And if you are thinking that doing what others don't is an embarrassment, think again. It's not. In fact, it's one way of proving others that most times, challenging the norms is the only way to prove that there's still goodness in this world. 

For the news on Mr. Choi's chivalry, check out this article from Strait Times.

Gwiyomi Song

Lately, the Gwiyomi (귀요미) Song has been playing in my head like a plague - positive, at that. Gwiyomi is the term for 'CUTE' and I think it's a nursery song in South Korea. It has obviously gone sooooooo sensational because many idols are now performing it on stage. I think it's the next bbuing-bbuing.

For those who can't read Hangul, here's the romanization:

il deohagi ireun gwiyomi

i deohagi ineun gwiyomi

sam deohagi sameun gwiyomi

sa deohagi saneun gwiyomi

o deohagi odeun gwiyomi

yuk deohagi yukdeun..

*kiss fingers six times*

GWIYOMI!

For translation, click on read more.

Seeing Things on HD

I guess even fate is really taking the 'RESTART' thing for February seriously. Tina broke my old pair of eyeglasses so I was forced to get a new one. It was admittedly annoying considering that I had to spend money again, but I eventually realized that perhaps, it was fate's one way of telling me that to start again, I should be able to see things clearly. 

This pair of new eyeglasses become a metaphor to me then. You see, life has been terrifyingly blurred for me during the past month and if not for my faith, I would have literally lost it. Thus, it's time to see things the way it is now. No more haziness. No more blindness. 

It's time to see the truth, and drift away from the blurry images. It's time to look at things on a bigger and clearer perspective to not hurt anymore. I'm no longer in the position to cry over petty things, and it is thus necessary to emancipate myself from all these senseless emotions. As what my friend had pointed out, I don't deserve this. 

And I'll make sure I get what I deserve. Wearing my new pair of eyeglasses, I'll start seeing life in HD.

Dotted

1. J. Crew Polka-Dot Sequin Top

2. J. Crew Circle-print Chambray Popover

3. Green Polka Dot Sequins Collar Fluffy Jumpy Sweater

4. "Polka Dots" White Shirt

5. J. Crew Blythe Blouse in Polka Dot

I was browsing through Polyvore when I came across these polka-dot pieces.

I know it doesn't seem obvious but I've always been a huge fan of this design.

To me, it has this effect - similar to stripes - which hypnotizes people into looking at it.

Attention-grabber, it has always been. 

Plus, the Filipinos have always believed that polka-dots bring good luck.

I think we got it from the Chinese.

Among the choices above, the green polka-dot sweater is my favorite.

I love the shade of green used and the texture.

Plus the sequins on the collar, it looks like lace which is basically a great addition.

Hopefully, I'll find designs similar to these here.

A Love Month Treat from PixelFish

So it's the Love Month! And to celebrate it, PixelFish Concept is holding an extra ordinary Valentine treat! If you wish to have a FREE PRE-NUPTIAL PHOTO AND VIDEO COVERAGE for your forthcoming wedding, I cordially invite you to take part on LOVESTRUCK: A PixelFish Valentine Treat.

PixelFish Concept is a group of talented individuals who are greatly experienced in the field of productions. I can tell because I am friends with them and we've worked on a lot of events when we were in college. Professionally, they already covered lots of weddings and events, including the recent wedding of Mariz Umali and Raffy Tima. So there is no point in thinking twice about joining the fun. It's gonna be worth it. 

The procedure is specified in the image and it's really pretty easy for a prize as extravagant as this. So if you are planning to get married soon and is wishing to cut on the budget by finding free stuffs, join and make your pre-nuptial shoot a lot more memorable. :)

I think this is open for Philippine residents only. hihi.

Restart

The month of FAITH has been tough. The sacrifices from December carried over to January and it drove me half-mad. Perhaps, fate intended me to really name my first month as such because it indeed tested me. Luckily, I have managed to work on my faith in God, myself, and others. 

There are a lot of things I have learned. But let me summarize it in three sentences: 

1. Just let God's will be done. 
2. The trust I put in myself is the most integral basis of my personality.
3. I need to have faith in other people because friends are often way better than family. 

Now, February has come; and I decided to name it 'RESTART'. I'm going back to square one. I'm going to start again from scratch. I'm going to begin anew - fully equipped with the long-lost faith I've managed to regain on January. 

Perhaps, it's quite a drastic decision to restart my life. However, it's better done today than later. Today, I have less things to change than if I do it next month. Things will be easier.

I don't know how to begin this, to be honest. I just want to work on rebuilding relationships with people I have set aside for the past years. I have to work on regaining the trusts of those I intend to make parts of my life forever. There aren't many. I guess this will not be that much of a difficult task.

Most importantly, I want to restart myself. It's never too late to change and I just want to begin now. I need to change a lot of things in my life and I want to be someone new. This will surely take a lot of moving on - and that's basically what I dread the most - but if I'm not gonna leave the past and move on to the present and future, where would I find myself soon?

Restarting my life doesn't mean chucking out everything I've held dear to me for the past years. Restarting may mean working on a new and better relationships with them, and pruning off the bad and hurtful memories in my world. 

I'm gonna own February as well. Things will be okay. I'll be starting again.