Goodbye Luhan... I Love You.

After less than just three months of giving me joy, excitement, love and comfort, Luhan passed away just a few minutes ago. I am actually shaking at the moment. He's my most favorite puppy (hence, the name) among Chichi and Skippy's babies and he died because of Distemper and Parvo viruses.

I can't stop myself from sobbing right now. It was very heart-wrecking seeing him in that state for just three days. His health deteriorated rapidly, not giving me a chance to prepare myself. His convulsive seizures was the most painful to see, and what's worse was I couldn't do anything. We brought him to the veterinarian for vaccination in an attempt to somehow control the virus, but it was all too late. It affected his brain to the point that he's crying because of the pain...

And then he succumbed.

When the seizures won't stop and he started pooping and peeing unconsciously, I was convinced that he's gonna leave. And then one thing just came to my mind: I CAN'T LEAVE HIS SIDE. 

Way way back before I even got Chichi, I came across this picture of a blog post saying that when our dogs are dying, we shouldn't leave their side. They've entrusted and offered their whole lives to us as their masters and the last thing we could do is to let them feel that we appreciate them up to the last moments. In Luhan's case, he was with me for barely three months only; but he had been a constant comfort. 

He loved me like family. And I know.

I know it irks some people whenever I act like this. To them, it's crazy that I treat dogs like human beings - to the point that I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with them, than with a husband. But you know what? They are like humans. They can feel. They can understand. 

And I have proven that.

As we stuck with him as he was dying, my brother showed him a video of his siblings taken from the house of their new master. I can tell he was looking at it. I can tell he was watching at it. And somehow, it makes me feel better that at least, he got to see his siblings before he left.

And you know what proves me most that they're just like human?

Luhan listened to me.

During the past three days, I can tell Luhan was fighting - because I constantly tell him not to leave. Even my mom tells him everyday, as she caresses him to sleep, that he should fight because she doesn't want him to leave. 

And believe it or not, Luhan did. Even the veterinarian said that he was lucky to have reached such kind of state despite all the sufferings. He wouldn't have lasted three days if he didn't fight. 

But when I saw him suffering already as the seizures won't stop, I told him to just give up... that we're all gonna be okay. And you know what? After a few minutes, he stopped breathing. His eyes were still open and I couldn't stop crying. I touched his body which rapidly gone stiff and cold. 

And then I left, no longer able to take the sight of my baby lying lifelessly in the carpet. As I went upstairs, I mumbled a little prayer to St. Francis at St. Roque, thanking them - despite the pain - for ending Luhan's sufferings already. 

No matter how much people think that I'm crazy for loving dogs so much, I don't care; because after all, dogs give me more happiness than any human being could. Because my dogs, until their last breath, will love me with all their hearts.

And no other person could do that.

Fearing the Possibility

So at the moment, my heart is in despair. Three of my dogs (Chichi, Skippy and Luhan) are in a critical condition after contracting Parvo and Distemper viruses. Chichi and Skippy are both adults already so their immune system are kinda stronger although I know they're really suffering...

But Luhan... Luhan is just a three-month old puppy. He's my favorite among the two other dogs' pups. I made that obvious when I gave him that name. Luhan is my most favorite member of EXO and I promised that if I have a new dog, I'll be using his name.

But now, my Luhan is dying.

I'm trying to hold in my tears as I type this. It hurts my heart to know that I'm this (-) close to losing my puppy. His immune system is rapidly deteriorating and I can't do anything. It pains me so much that I can't do anything. Even the veterinarian admitted that there's a small chance that he'll survive... as well as my two other babies.

Now, I know most of you are kinda looking at me like I'm one silly person who would cry over dogs. But for someone so admittedly lonely like I am, it's like losing a part of me. My heart slowly and painfully deteriorates too, whenever I see them, especially Luhan, suffering from seizures and convulsions. I'm suffering too.

My dogs are my best, best friends. They're my most favorite companions because to be honest, they're much more sensitive than any other human being I know. Whenever I'm sad, they'll come to me and lick my legs and just jump in glee. They're ready to provide all the comfort they can give their master, without me asking for it. They don't ask. They don't complain. They just love.

And they know love better than any human being.

And now that they're terminally ill, I fear. I've witnessed enough deaths this year, and I don't want three more. I know saying goodbye would be inevitable, but I think now's too early... especially for Luhan. I know there's still Kai but those three other dogs are special to me too.

How despaired will I be if they leave?



St. Francis of Assisi, St. Roque... Please pray for us. :'(

Those Children Within Us

I don't know what to feel whenever I see young children wearing their school uniforms. It excites me to see them actually attending school (mainly because I want everyone in the country to be educated); but at the same time, it makes me nostalgic and envious because I know I can never be like them again.

When I was a kid, I've always wanted to grow up fast. I want to be an adult to escape the being 'overprotective' of my parents over me. I wanted to make my own decisions, do things my own pace and in accordance to my own discretion.

Admittedly, I failed to enjoy school as much as it didn't enjoy me. I blame myself partly for all the regretful things I've been through back then. If I didn't hurry into becoming an adult, I could have created better memories to relish now. 

But obviously, it's all too late.

Right now, I just want to be a student again, who only thinks about examinations and other academic stuffs. I just want to be a student again, who believes that the biggest problem is when you get a grade in the line of 7. 

Being an adult is currently taking its toll on me. You see, all the responsibilities which I'm never ready for are dumping themselves like I'm some kind of Wonderwoman. This year had been so challenging, and I'm feeling like I'm this (-) close to giving up. 

But I know that I shouldn't. I can't.

Life, despite being so difficult and harsh on adults like me, is still a vast dimension of opportunities. Whether we're all kids or already adults, we are still entitled to different chances to be happy. We are all at liberty to create more memories which we can cherish in the future... and make friends like how these children in the pictures did. 

It is just normal to wish to be young again; but what we fail to realize is that we all remain as children, in one way or another. Inside, there's still this 5-year old us who are ready to come out as soon as we permit it. 

Yes, for our inner child to come out, we need to let it.

I know most of you are familiar with Naruto. He's a ninja of the Konoha Village who was condemned (for the lack of better word) because sealed inside him is the Kyubi, a nine-tailed monster which has the greatest power among the nine beasts in the world of ninjas. He was devious, cunning, short-tempered and hard to control... but Naruto managed to tame him, and we all eventually learned that he has a name - Kurama.

Now how does that relate to this? I personally think that the situation of Naruto and Kurama is similar to the situation of everyone so obsessed with adulthood. We condemn ourselves because of the child within us, thinking that if we unleash that, the world will judge us for not acting our age. But you see, what gives power to our being adult is actually our childhood. We look at it like it's something that should be kept hidden, along with the secrets and mistakes that we committed in the past.

But you see, it has a name. It is us. So why should we get ashamed? Like Kurama, the children within us have reasons why they did whatever they did before. If only we learn how to accept it... If only we learn how to just let go of the past and live in the present for the future...

We can all be kids again because that part of us never left. Even though faced with so many adult problems in life, we can always go back to who were when we were younger. Most times, it helps. Believe me.

Tully's Coffee (Valenzuela)

After a grueling day of work, my body succumbed to tiredness and convinced my mind that I am in need of a break. So hitting two birds at one throw, I asked my bestfriend to come with me to Tully's Coffee in Valenzuela. It's a cute coffee shop, a first in the city as far as I know, located just across the Valenzuela City Hall in Malinta. 

Tully's Coffee is a nice place for some quiet, if you ask me. The atmosphere is really comfortable. The interior's cozy, and I attribute much of it to the soft light the place used. There's free Wi-Fi, although I didn't use it. And the range of product prices are lower than the typical coffee shops. 

Armed with an excellent camera, I took the opportunity to snap some photos hoping that it could promote the establishment in one way or another.

Do Cheaters Deserve Second Chances?

So there had been this fairly huge drama that had happened a while ago at our house. My cousin, who was cheated by her husband was here. The man was also here. My dad acted as a bridge, with hope to settle things between the two. But my cousin was adamant (thankfully!) not to get back with the person. And I can't help but abhor him, for hurting my ate; and I can't help but hate his father for trying to cover up for the 'mistakes' of his son.

Here's a summary: My cousin got pregnant and being a 'responsible man' that he made us believe that he was, the person married her. Prior to the marriage, this man was in a relationship with a girl for three years already; but he said everything has ended between them. And so the marriage happened. Unknown to us, for the past two years, a lot of problems had been happening between the couple. For numerous times, the guy won't come home, saying he's staying in his parents' house. Whenever my cousin calls her in-laws, the parents will say their son is already sleeping. It is only just recently that she discovered that whenever she thinks that her husband's at their own home, he would actually be in the girl's house - and his parents knew that.

Last week, my cousin was tipped off by someone that her husband was in the house of the woman. With her brother, she went there and she discovered that he was, in fact, there. But much to her dismay, her so-called husband didn't come out to meet him, afraid that her brother would physically hurt him. Such a fucking coward, if you ask me. 

Now, my cousin and her children left their old house. And the fucker came to my father for help.I heard the alibis, but nothing sounded convincing. Nevertheless, the meeting a while ago was arranged.

I tell you, it was so annoying the whole time he was pretending to cry, pleading for forgiveness. He was such a liar that his statements are so coherent. First, he admitted he was wrong; and then he would deny it. When my cousin brought out her evidences, he even denied that he didn't know the girl, considering that he was all smiles in their anniversary pictures. 

My blood boils even just the thought of it. Especially when I remember how easy the girl looked in those photos.

I know I'm just a cousin and I am not in the position to react this way. But how to not hate on cheaters? How to not see the worst side of it? 

Even if it's not my cousin, I would still hate on him. He was cornered already, and yet he's still finding his way out through lies. He was treating us all like idiots, to what? To save his and his family's face. My cousin was firm on her decision not to get back with that fucker. I told her I won't talk to her anymore if her decision changes.

My mother was furious at me for such statement. She told me to be an instrument for peace and the man should be forgiven. Sure, when time comes, he will be forgiven. He deserves that at least as a person. But does he deserve a second chance? 

A BIG FAT NO.

There's no excuse for cheating, because there is a lot of ways to avoid that. If there's a problem between a couple, talk about it and settle things. If talking doesn't work, then end things properly. Relationship, especially marital, problems aren't reasons to do this kind of fuckery. There is simply no excuses when one decides to be a bastard and cheat on his/her partner. That's pure disrespect towards the dignity of the other. It's a crime. 

I know men are born polygamous; but there's a limit to that. Women can accept if their men would look at others girls, but if it starts to hurt, that's where everything goes wrong. Worse, if it already hurts and the guy still won't stop, that's the torturous part. 

Cheating isn't a mistake caused by temptation. Maybe, at first, yes. But if it gets repetitive, it becomes a choice; and that's what disgusts me. A man choosing to hurt his partner is something I will never ever let pass. 

Because you know, the pain of being cheated on hurts like hell. 

Here's why:

When a girl is cheated on, she feels hate at first. But eventually, it turns into something more serious. She begins to hate herself. 

What guys don't know about the psychological effect of their cheating is that it often challenges the girls' self-esteems. It makes us think that we're not beautiful, or sexy, or rich, or just good enough that our partner had to look for someone else. We try to look within us what our mistakes had been, and then even though it's not right, the weaker ones among us end up blaming themselves for what had happened. 

Worse, the victims would develop a strong fear for trusting others. That's the scariest of all, because not many have the idea of how difficult to live life doubting everyone.

Believe me. Cheating doesn't just ruin a relationship. It ruins a life, a future. It wounds its victim deep, and scars will remain producing so much fear. 

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Call me biased or whatever; but I honestly think that cheating is just like Pringles. Once you pop, you can't stop. That's why I don't think this kind of people deserves second chances. Because there's no more assurance, and that's one important thing to keep a relationship alive. 

Presenting "The UE-ian Way"

There are a lot of things going on right now. While I don’t set aside the issues of pork barrel and the Zamboanga stand-off, I just want to focus on something that concerns me more directly – UAAP.

I am a proud alumnae of the University of the East (Caloocan) and is thus a supporter of the UE Red Warriors, the men’s basketball team of the school. I take pride on it, win or lose. I may not know so much about the technicalities of basketball but I know enough to say that the team is struggling to give pride to Lualhati, as we have been experiencing drought –UAAP championship-wise – for nearly three decades already.

I can see the effort in every game played, and so I have taken offense on what a writer wrote on his column at the website of Philippine Star.

Truth be told, I hated him; and I hated his editor more. UE’s pride was lambasted and degraded in every manner possible, just because of a simple conflict between the two school’s basketball teams. The whole community was dragged into a bad light, when the main focus should be the games only. There was a plethora of snide remarks against UE and other schools, which are totally unacceptable, if you ask me. As I have predicted, the writer used the ‘opinion’ card, but even for an opinion writer whose articles are published on a major (national) news portal site, it was terrifyingly unprofessional.

I went to the writer’s Twitter account and was more enraged by the fact that he doesn’t show even a bit of remorse on what he had done. He easily reasoned out that the article won’t get published if the editor didn’t like it. So as it was released online, no one should blame me if I assume that the editor’s from the same school. If that’s the case, I guess, I now have an idea how their ‘way’ is. Tsk tsk. I wonder if it’s normal for people there to act so high. I have many other separate experiences with this kind of attitude from others of their kind too.

Or here’s a possible spin-off: The editor is not from the same school, but had decided to approve the article anyway to create more noise. If that’s the case, I see that as a low-blow, certainly unethical for a person working in the journalism field. Such action’s a disgrace. The company should do something about it. I thought it’s only PDI which has this kind of system. Apparently, I’m mistaken.

At the moment, I’m trying to hold in the anger. Someone needs to be the bigger person, as what the writer had suggested by RT-ing a certain tweet. And personally, I wanted to be that one. My school taught me the significance of humility (which I honestly learned the hard way) and simplicity; so instead of promoting hate against the perfect and flawless writer and his editor, let me just point out what I think many fail to see in UE:

Home. UE is a home.

And that’s why the whole community’s fired up right now. Like any normal person in this world, we do react and fight back when our home is threatened. In this case, we were lambasted with derogatory statements without even given a chance to fight back. We were stabbed at the back, because nobody saw this kind of rude act coming. We were all so focused on setting things straight about fairness in the league, and then this came up. His words weren’t mere opinions of an educated person. Those were libelous statements aimed to bring down an opponent in the dirtiest sort of fashion. I bet if it’s someone from UE who wrote something like this against their school, we won’t be seeing the end of it; because pride is their breathing ground. They would – proven by other past circumstances – fight to death to retrieve their school’s glory. So tell me, why can’t we do the same?

Because we’re not them? Because we’re not from the big four?

UE is usually a victim of double standards among the UAAP schools, to be honest; and in many incidents, the community had just decided to let it pass – capitalizing on the virtue of humility we’ve all been – in one way or another – imbued with. But we’re not idiots. We know when to cry foul, and that's the reason behind this series of protests; and that is why we gravely took offense on the ‘opinions’ of that writer.

We may lean more on the ‘jologs’ side. We are certainly not a coño school. Our tuition may not be at par as the others’. But we are individuals who know the limits of every action. Goodness! To understand that doesn’t even require one to be a college student! That’s common sense! Everything that’s happening had stretched the whole UE community to its boiling point. We snapped.

And so like Warriors, we will defend ours. That’s the natural reaction. We can always accept defeat as long as there’s a fair and unbiased process to determine the victor. We aren’t stupid people who would insist on something we know we’ve lost on. That’s a quality where the whole school thrives on. I wish other people would see that.

UE may not be as powerful as the writer’s school; but we still have a dignity to uphold. In whatever field, the university pride should be protected because this is where we came from. We are a school, a community – not a mere laughing stock for these almighty people to bully and pick on all the time.We are the children of Lualhati, and we are who we are in our own ways. We may be different from others but I hope people would look at the positive side of it, instead of focusing on the impression that we are just UE…

Because at least, we don’t ruin a whole school’s reputation just to put ours in the good light. We aren’t hypocrites who think that our school’s so perfect and that we’re ahead of everyone else.

Because believe it or not, humility and simplicity is “The UE-ian Way.” And frankly speaking, I have never felt so thankful that I chose UE among all other schools than now. 

A Tour around the Immaculate Conception Seminary

In Bulacan, there is the Immaculate Conception Seminary. It is a place where young men are schooled and trained in preparation for priesthood. I am not sure if it's open to public but since the first part of the Diocesan event we were tasked to cover was held there, I got the chance to freely roam around the area and take in the beauty of the place.

Thanks to the fact that Lui lent me his camera, I can share with you these pictures:

The white building is the MINOR. It is the classrooms are located. ^^

The Secret Behind Seoul's Success

 © Korea Herald

I was browsing through Korea Herald to update myself with what’s happening in the country when I came across this article entitled ‘Homeless Baristas Brew Hope’ from Lee Hyunjeong. It piqued my curiosity, and as I read through it, inspiration dawned.

According to news, the café called ‘Café Espresso of my Life’ is actually a project of the city government of Seoul. The business currently employs two homeless people as baristas, who had been trained under the self-support program of the city administration. It was a 3-month training at the Home of Bohyeon, a public shelter for the homeless located just next to the café in Yeongdeungpo-gu.

Every day, the café receives more or less 200 customers. The staffs receive 500,000 won ($450) per month as salary, plus the profits earned. Won, who left his family and ran away from home after his company was bankrupted, said that he dreams of obtaining certification on coffee roasting and become an international barista someday. In that way, he can start anew and see his family again. 

A second outlet of Café Espresso of my Life is set to open early next year at Jongno-gu, where Won and the other barista are posed to be promoted as managers. And I personally hope people traveling to Seoul will take support the business, considering that it'll be located in a popular area among tourists.

Aside from the café, the city government also holds self-support trainings for hotel management and photography, in collaboration with notable personalities in the field. KORAIL, the public railway company, also extends its cooperation by picking dozens of homeless people in the streets and providing them with six-month jobs as luggage movers or cleaners in the Seoul Station. Wage and housing are provided by the government.  

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Inspiring.

Isn’t it lovely to see people seeing hope in others who refuse to see it for themselves? It warms my heart to know that there are still efforts like this to help the needy ones in a society tagged as one of the most successful ones in the world. The government focuses on the improvement of those lacking. They don't just provide hope, but strength and inspiration as well. It's like they're saying "Hey guys, we are going to the top and we're all in this together!" Some people find hope because others are willing to give it to them. It makes me happy that the city government of Seoul knows that so well. 

But the best thing here for me though is that there is no spoon-feeding happening in this kind of set-up. Sure, there may be hidden lapses and flaws, but what matters is that projects are implemented to “try to help the homeless become independent and help themselves,” as said by City Health and Welfare Chief Kim Kyung Ho.

I know it is a difficult undertaking; but what probably makes this work is the fact that this is a give-and-take process. The city government does everything they can to help the homeless, and the homeless willingly accepts the challenge and work hard to achieve the administration’s goal for them. They understand that they are responsible for their own lives and are thankful for the hope other people finds for them.

They don’t take advantage and literally depend on others for their living. We can perhaps attribute this to the ‘Korean man’s dignity’ attitude, but I think it’s more of the fact that they know their limits.

This process, I believe, is the reason behind the city’s success. Seoul isn’t perfect, let’s all admit that; but these kinds of redemptions compensate. To me, it’s like witnessing the real concept of ‘bayanihan’ (communal work). No one gets to be left behind. Everyone takes part in the improvement of their society. 

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When will this ever happen in my own country?

  

Grace 4.0

Is it weird to extend my Grace month for the fourth time? Sometimes, I wonder if it is. But then, I realize that this isn't exactly a mistake. Grace is such a difficult trait to learn, and to be honest, I think it will push through until the end of the year.

The problem is that I can't find opportunities to practice gracefulness. In rare times I go out during the past few months, I keep on forgetting about it - arguing with myself that I need to be myself more.

Somehow, that makes this whole month-naming process a complete bluff. And I don't want that. I need to change, and that includes finally being graceful. I need to learn the art.

The beginning of the -Ber months will be very, very busy for me. I have plotted my schedule last night and was amused there isn't a single space left blank in the calendar. I'll be traveling to places and will be meeting lots of people. It's gonna be exhausting, but I find it a good chance to practice Grace.

It's taking too long; but to be honest, it gets me excited more and more. I want to see the end-product by the start of 2014. Hopefully, I can transform myself then. :)