A lot of people fear the idea of confession – especially girls. As Filipinos take pride on having a rather conservative culture, we were made to believe that the confession part is done only by the boys. Anything that would go beyond that norm is considered unethical. Sad but true. For the numerous times that I’ve come across love, I’ve followed that. The result? Regrets.
Keeping everything bottled inside is really tiring and frustrating. I know. During the times I’m keeping it all in, I just feel like I’m going to burst anytime. I feel so fragile. I feel so sensitive. And the most painful thing is that I know I don’t have any rights to be like that. So I kept everything to myself. I feared that love will fly away when I admitted it.
But then, emotions are most obvious when it is hidden. My actions spoke for myself and it eventually led to what I feared the most. That’s when I knew that the result would be the same, either way I choose.
To cut the story short, something big had happened recently. Words were said. Actions were done. Heart has been broken, and reality has begun.
But do I have any regrets? None.
This may be funny to some but I have actually expected this pain to come. I have asked for it when I did those things and I guess it really was my intention to let the truth come out from him. Somehow, I had to let out my unrequited love so my mind would be at peace.
And I’m thankful that I found the courage to do that. Really.
Because for the first time in my life, I feel contented. I know that even though it ended like this, I have managed to do everything my heart told me to. I have expressed my emotions fairly well and let all thoughts out. There were no bits of hesitation in accepting reality because there were no chances wasted.
I did it. I take pride on that.
At the moment, I still need distractions. The pain is still there, but it’s manageable. I even doubt it’s gonna leave soon. But look! I’m getting by! If I am the person I was before, I wouldn’t have been able to finish even this simple account. I wouldn’t have been able to meet deadlines. I wouldn’t have been able to laugh and still be happy. I wouldn’t have taken it casually.
Really, having no regrets and facing everything with all honesty make a great difference.
Some friends are actually being cautious with me. To them, it’s a surprise that I wouldn’t talk about what happened and all things I plan to do. Well, I hope they would just understand. Perhaps, I’m working hard towards maturity? Or I just don’t want to dwell on the depression. I no longer want people to pity me just because I got my heart broken. I’m way past that stage already.
I’ve chosen to be happy.
Yes, everything’s a matter of choice. It is part of human life to get hurt and disappointed. Crying is always a favorable option; but at the end of each day, it’s not proper to harbor the pain. And I don’t want that to happen. The love that has left has taught me a lot of things and that man is an indispensable part of me. I don’t want to ruin our relationship further by being bitter. I’ve caused myself enough pain for a lifetime. I no longer desire any addition to that.
As a human being, I am designed to be happy. And no one can do that for me. If I live regretting everything I did, what would that make me then? Love is an important aspect of our being a person, but happiness does not always depend on romance. I’ve got a lot of other people and things to focus on.
I wouldn’t let the pain of a failed confession ruin my better outlook in life.