A lot of people fear the idea of confession
– especially girls. As Filipinos take pride on having a rather conservative
culture, we were made to believe that the confession part is done only by the
boys. Anything that would go beyond that norm is considered unethical. Sad but
true. For the numerous times that I’ve come across love, I’ve followed that.
The result? Regrets.
Keeping everything bottled inside
is really tiring and frustrating. I know. During the times I’m keeping it all
in, I just feel like I’m going to burst anytime. I feel so fragile. I feel so
sensitive. And the most painful thing is that I know I don’t have any rights to
be like that. So I kept everything to myself. I feared that love will fly away
when I admitted it.
But then, emotions are most obvious when it is hidden. My actions spoke for
myself and it eventually led to what I feared the most. That’s when I knew that
the result would be the same, either way I choose.
To cut the story short, something
big had happened recently. Words were said. Actions were done. Heart has been
broken, and reality has begun.
But do I have any regrets? None.
This may be funny to some but I
have actually expected this pain to come. I have asked for it when I did those
things and I guess it really was my intention to let the truth come out from
him. Somehow, I had to let out my unrequited love so my mind would be at peace.
And I’m thankful that I found the
courage to do that. Really.
Because for the first time in my
life, I feel contented. I know that even though it ended like this, I have
managed to do everything my heart told me to. I have expressed my emotions
fairly well and let all thoughts out. There were no bits of hesitation in
accepting reality because there were no chances wasted.
I did it. I take pride on that.
At the moment, I still need
distractions. The pain is still there, but it’s manageable. I even doubt it’s
gonna leave soon. But look! I’m getting by! If I am the person I was before, I wouldn’t
have been able to finish even this simple account. I wouldn’t have been able to
meet deadlines. I wouldn’t have been able to laugh and still be happy. I wouldn’t
have taken it casually.
Really, having no regrets and facing
everything with all honesty make a great difference.
Some friends are actually being
cautious with me. To them, it’s a surprise that I wouldn’t talk about what
happened and all things I plan to do. Well, I hope they would just understand. Perhaps,
I’m working hard towards maturity? Or I just don’t want to dwell on the
depression. I no longer want people to pity me just because I got my heart
broken. I’m way past that stage already.
I’ve chosen to be happy.
Yes, everything’s a matter of
choice. It is part of human life to get hurt and disappointed. Crying is always
a favorable option; but at the end of each day, it’s not proper to harbor the
pain. And I don’t want that to happen. The love that has left has taught me a
lot of things and that man is an indispensable part of me. I don’t want to ruin
our relationship further by being bitter. I’ve caused myself enough pain for a
lifetime. I no longer desire any addition to that.
As a human being, I am designed
to be happy. And no one can do that for me. If I live regretting everything I
did, what would that make me then? Love is an important aspect of our being a
person, but happiness does not always depend on romance. I’ve got a lot of
other people and things to focus on.
I wouldn’t let the pain of a
failed confession ruin my better outlook in life.
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