After a lot of heartbreaks and misfortunes on romance, I have decided to call it quits. I have turned my back on the possibility that someone will come to me and tell me he loves me more than anything else in the world. For me, nobody can do that. Not even me, anymore. I believe that only God and my family (perhaps) can provide me unconditional love; everybody else would really just come and go and take advantage of what I can do and what I can be to them.
It has been years already since I shun away from the possibilities of love. There have been a lot of people who would constantly tell me that believing in romance and having a family are the two most important things for a woman.
And the more they tell me about it, the more I realize that I really should stay single.
Who wants to grow old without anyone by his/her side? I fear that part too. Seriously. I hate being alone, but I have to constantly stay away from the possible heartaches of being toyed with and lied to. But you see, I don't want to believe on love just because I fear being alone...
I want to believe on love because it made itself believable.
My first reason why I decide to stay single is because the men I meet are too obsessed with the physical attributes of women. They set physical qualities as basis to the definition of beautiful. The inner self of the lady comes secondary to them. Yes, I know and I understand that first impression is important; but as many guys continuously treat ladies as trophies, there's no way I would mingle with Cupid.
Then a lot of people also tell me that I should believe in a relationship/marriage because it's difficult to walk in this life alone, considering the problems of everyday living; and from that I get my second reason why I would rather stay single.
You see, I don't want to get into a romantic relationship because I need someone to depend on. Sure thing, this is the main objective why people call each other 'partners', but sometimes, it just becomes so overrated - because from my experiences, no man I loved have ever let me lean on their shoulder to cry. That's how it has always been with me... and I would rather tell myself that I am alone than claim to have a partner but then feel so isolated, still.
Well, it's not just with partners, actually. It's the same with having children. Many would tell me that I should get married and have kids so that I would have someone to take care of me when I am old. And I don't like the idea.
To me, nothing sucks than investing on people. Yes, I don't want my future kids (if there is) to feel that I raised them up to assure myself that there'd be someone to take care of me when I grow old and sickly. I don't want to take care of kids and then later on oblige them to take care of me so they can give back to what I did for them. That's downright unfair for these young ones.
There are a lot of things why I wouldn't settle for a contract with Cupid. And the main issue would be trust, I guess. But somehow, I just don't want to be unfair with myself. Having been bet on, toyed with, used, lied to... it has become difficult for me to believe that some guys are different.
Friends would tell me that maybe, I haven't just met the right guy yet. Well, yes, I think so too. And I think I haven't found myself yet. Truth is, a part of me still believes in love. It's just that I want to love without conditions, and I want to feel the same from other party. But that just seems impossible; because even if I could give that, no one would be capable of giving it back - especially to me.
Majority of the problem lies with me, probably, too. If I would be ready to accept all flaws, then I think that's the time when I should start believing on love again..
But not yet now, I guess.