Lost Soul No More

For quite a long time, I felt depressed. Though I have been working as a writer for almost four years already, and I had supported my family all throughout these years, it still frustrated me a lot that I really couldn't picture out what I wanted to do with my life. It bothered me so much that my future seemed so bleak. Because somehow, it felt like I don't have direction. I just take steps - most times, reckless - but I have no definite destination.

A college friend once told me that he experienced the same, and he managed to find out why. According to him, it's because we lacked in the dreaming department. When we were kids, we were always asked what we want to be when we grow up. Back in those days, we usually answer that we wanted to be a doctor, a teacher, a fashion model, an engineer, an architect, and in my case, a cashier. But as we grow old, we got focused on other things that we ended up forgetting what we were supposed to be.

Of course, choices vary and interests change. But I know some people who used to say that they're going to be doctors and they are indeed doctors now. So I think the 'forgetting' part just applies to some, and sadly, it does to me.

When I was still studying, all I wanted to do is to finish college and earn a degree and make my parents proud. but after I received my diploma, I didn't know what to do anymore/ Sure, we enjoyed the course; but the thing is, we were too immersed on the act of studying that we forgot that we were supposed to just study for something. I guess it's the pressure of school that made me forget what that 'something' actually is. That's why when I graduated, I couldn't remember it anymore. I took Communication Arts but obviously, my interest on it wasn't too strong to pursue.

From that, I realized how much I missed out on my life. Just when I thought I was working hard for a dream, it turned out that there was no dream to work hard for at all. Ridiculous, right? That's why for almost four years, I've been wandering around - aimless.

Good thing, I was awoken up to the truth that life requires constant dreaming. I have discovered my purpose and just recently, I've finally figured out a dream.

TO EXPLORE EVERY CORNER OF SOUTH KOREA.

It might be funny to some, but it has always been a childhood dream. Back in high school, I have been tagged as 'Maria Korea' because of my fascination towards the country and it continued 12 years after and will probably continue until the next few decades? What I'm trying to say is I don't think I will ever get to get over my love for this country and with that, I'm basing my dream.

It's not different from traveling the world. It's just that I'm limiting my scale into just one Asian country. And you know what? It felt like magic when I finally decided that yeah, this has to be the dream I will work for, because instantly I felt like I've found the path to take. It was like a divine intervention, but really, everything just finally became clear.

Now, I find it easier to do things; because while it's great to know my purpose, it's even better to know that I have a dream to fulfill too - something that involves me and my interests alone.

I guess that's a great driving force that people should understand. If your purposes in life consists your family and friends (like in my case), turn something that you've always enjoyed to do into a realistic dream, because that would push you to be more determined and motivated into becoming a better person.

Right now, I am more convinced that I should exert more effort in learning Korean. Furthermore, I am more determined to save up and start a business that would help me get there. I know that these decisions are not a joke, but I think it's gonna be easier knowing that now, I can see where I'm headed.