I started dancing when I was around 9 years old. My classmates and I first performed in class presentations until opportunities escalated and we almost represented the academy in an inter-school dancing competition. Back then, I knew it was what I do best. It was the only thing I have then to be really proud 

After high school though, I found myself so busy with academics that I eventually gained weight because of stress. I then saw myself drifting away from dancing. Add to that the fact that there were less opportunities in college because I began to find other priorities then. 

But I guess it's really difficult to forget something that has long been there. Dancing is imbued in me and we can say that my love for performing is innate. Thus, I have decided to take chances and go back to dancing, even though it's just myself. It was one of my major New Year's resolution on 2011. 

Until something happened...

On January 20, 2011, I met an unfortunate accident. I was hit by a drunk driver with his motorcycle from behind and my head bumped on the concrete road twice. Of course, I blacked out. But that's not the primary problem then. When my friends came, they said they saw blood on the area and that's when I noticed that the hood of the motorcycle's front wheel cut my right Achilles Heel. I can't really be sure but I think half of my foot was ran over because minutes after I got up from the accident (due to adrenaline rush, I suppose), I fell down and lost my balance. That's when they rushed me to the hospital.

For two weeks, I couldn't walk. My diet was ruined because the doctor told me that I need to eat as much carbohydrate as I could. But you know what freaked me out the most? I was told that if things won't get better, I can walk but it will be quite difficult for me to dance again.

I know it sounded like a drama on TV; but that's what happened. Since then, I got depressed seeing friends of mine actually dancing on stage. It frustrated me so much, even though I won't show it. 

But a year after, I realized that self-pitying won't do me good. If I love dancing so much, then I should go back to it, whatever the cost may be. It's not like I can't stop when I feel pain anyway. So that's when I decided to go back to lose weight and go back to dancing.

I'm not successful with getting fit, but I have found my way back to dancing. Although my busy schedule hampered this habit again, I went back to it six days ago when I decided to sweat by doing exercises and practicing some SNSD songs I've learned. An unexpected thing happened because my head fucking hurt a lot afterwards and my mom feared that it might be because of the accident too. 

But this time, I didn't stop. 

I felt all the rush coming back to me. That's when I told myself that 'to hell with my foot and my hurting head, I'm gonna go back to what I really love doing'. I decided to start with simple dances like A Pink's NO NO NO before I move on to something more complex like SNSD's I Got a Boy and EXO's Growl. Basically, I need to take everything slowly. 

You see, I'm not a professional dancer but I could have been now if only I didn't let the fear on what the doctor said overpower me... and if only I didn't let my insecurities get the best of me. So what if I'm fat? What's important is that I can execute the routines well, right? Gah. I should have gotten that mindset long ago.

I know I've said too much in this blog but I hope readers will get what I'm trying to say. People are just often barricaded from doing what they want and reaching their dreams by fears and insecurities. Once we get over these negative things, we'll be amazed at how we high we can fly. We can always be successful in whatever we choose to do as long as we put our hearts into it... as long as we're determined to achieve that top spot. 

I do not intend to be the number one dancer in the world. I don't even dream about getting popular. I just want to go back to dancing and perform in front of a crowd again. And I'm making it happen. Just wait. :p

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