I'm a self-confessed Korean drama buff. I love romantic comedies because it feels so refreshing to watch. Seeing the characters act so lovey-dovey and cute to each other every scene and watching the conflicts arise and get solved makes me believe that perhaps, love does work. It sparks the hope in me...
but at the same time, it kills.
There is always a side B to everything and I guess, this is what watching Korean dramas has to offer. After the excitement from the scenes dies down, I then enter the phase of questioning myself. Pity overwhelms as I often wonder why such things never happen to me. It's probably because of my being a hopeless romantic, but I think it's more of I'm a girl who just wants to feel wanted.
Whatever I say and no matter how much effort I put in putting up my fortress and facade, moments do come when I just have to admit - even to myself - that I am not okay. Seeing the female leads in dramas I watch find their princes and falling in love and live their happily-ever-afters put me in a terrible state of jealousy because no matter how I think about it, I just can't be like them.
Of course, I know they're fictional; but I don't want to sound so depressed by pointing out that I do get envious of other girls in real life. If you know me personally and you're reading this blog, consider yourselves lucky because there is no way I'm gonna admit that fact in person. This blog is meant to show the real pains inside me so I'm not letting that out in reality.
The truth is, I sometimes get to that stage where I would rather not watch anything; but maybe, I really have a thing for self-infliction of pain that I can't seem to say no to dramas. Addiction? No, it's probably because at the back of my mind, I'm still hoping...
that maybe, just maybe... something like that will happen to me too.
This is more of a hopeless case, right? There's just no chance. People do base their first impressions on the outside appearance of a person and I guess no one is just interested enough to look through who I really am? Everytime I try to let out my feelings and you know, hope that it would get reciprocated, nothing works. It all ends to a situation where they would tell me I'm too good for them though I clearly know they're all lying, or maybe I'm too demanding and whatnot when I simply want to feel like someone actually cares. Asking for one message to not let you worry is not too much right?
But for all of them, it is.
Judging through what happened, I have long realized that I am the problem. Maybe even my inner character's not really a nice one to deal with.
Such an unlucky person I am. HAHAHA. That's a strong possibility because I am just me.. Why would I compare myself to those Korean actress anyway? HAHA