It is not a secret that despite the fact that we need to keep a childlike heart, it is entirely necessary that we push ourselves toward full maturity. As human beings, it is a must that we learn to grow - and become the people who we should be.
However, it is a given fact that the pursuit to totally understanding everything takes a lot of time. Sometimes, it takes even a whole lifetime; and when we realize it, it's too late. That is why it is a great blessing that I've finally proven myself that I am now on my way to there.
What transpired earlier today brought me into a deep realization. After being repeatedly cursed and blamed for something we didn't do by a 25-year-old drunkard 'engineer', I know it's human nature to feel very furious. But surprise, I actually felt disappointment and pity.
Only now did I realize how ironic some people can be. Certainly, a college degree doesn't assure someone's maturity. Sometimes (along with money), it actually contributes to the formation of a figurative hydrocephalus which would basically ruin everything else. Clearly, education is not always a panacea. What happened to us this morning is definitely a proof that maturity is not really learnt from school. It depends on how well you were raised and is entirely dependent on the kind of community you grew in.
I tried to settle things with the 'psychologist/teacher' who is the elder sister of the 'engineer'. I sent her a message asking if we could meet to talk things through but my invitation was turned down. She remarked that I should actually settle things within myself first and apply the teachings I learned from serving the church. She told me that there are things that I do which I thought were right, but were actually wrong.
No offense meant here. But I really think that for a psychologist, she's pretty ironic. I wonder why she didn't realize that the reason why I reached out is because I'm actually applying the things I've learned in church. I told him I've forgiven her and her family already, and I honestly mean it. I have apologized for my mistakes and faults, and never waited for her to return the favor.
I'm not blogging about the incident to boast. It's just that I feel proud and quite better that I know I'm on my way to spiritual and emotional maturity; and I hope that the few people who would take time to read this would realize how important those two things are for a person. Even if you're not a Catholic, this still applies.
There are really a lot of things which happen that could lead us to feeling angered and frustrated. Sometimes, towards others; most times, towards our own selves. But we would reach one point in our lives when we would feel mandated by a strong urge to just settle things and ask for people's forgiveness. It would take time - definitely take time - to be forgiven and to forgive.
But I tell you, it's gonna be worth it.
At the moment, I feel so at peace. Even though my efforts had gone futile and my parents are going to take action on the matter, the important thing now is that I have extended my desire to patch things up. So what if it has gone one-way? So what if they didn't understand?
What matters now is that I have proven myself that I am on my way to maturity. With that, I'm authentically happy.
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